i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
