i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
