Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I smell like Dick and happiness
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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