our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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