"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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