maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
