dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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