he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
