I wish my penis had an off switch
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
