walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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