That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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