I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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