But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
