I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize