i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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