my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
