I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My dick has a subreddit
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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