I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
