Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
