Pants 0. Shit 1.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
