shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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