that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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