Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
