Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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