Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
