office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
