I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
