friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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