so that wasnt chicken after all
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
