you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
