Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This girl is more easily done than said...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
