Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize