We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
