Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
