U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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