Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
