Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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