The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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