I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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