I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
