adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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