I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
