in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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