OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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