the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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