They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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