I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
