I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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