I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
