just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
