make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
