Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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