Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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