I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
