but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
