How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
