we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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