i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
