I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
