Life is so much better after having sex.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
