when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize