This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
