What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
