The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
