They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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