dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
