i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
