mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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