i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
