Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
