Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
