New invention idea: vibrating tampons
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize