I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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